Sunday, 1 January 2012

These things only happen to me I swear! If I have learned anything this last few months, and that I deal with stress, major bad news, in a much more calming and controlled manner - not that im some raging lunatic to begin with, but you gotta keep it cool for the kids you know? Crazy parents equals crazy kids and thats not what me and simon  are about.

We grab our flight and as soon as we cross the cook straight the Aircraft starts descending - this is NOT meant to happen for another 20 minutes. The Pilot announces that there has been a major earthquake in Christchurch and we are turning around and landing in Wellington. We get to Wellington, and EVERY flight around the country has landed there in Wellington. The Airport was chaos and flights were being cancelled left right and center. After 3 hours waiting for ours to be updated - we get the call that it has been Cancelled finally. Max is starting to loose his na-na, im fed up, so we book ourselves into a nice hotel for the evening, order Mass room service, hot baths all round, tuck the kids into their portocots and relax in preparation for our long Ferry Journey the next morning at 8am.

Ferry Journey was mental, I think everyone else at the airport had the same idea as us, my poor dad drove 4 hours to pick us up - and we finally arrive in Reefton on the west coast late afternoon. Xmas was awesome, was super great spending time with my dad and Pania as I had not seen them for a whole year. My Aunty Karen, Uncle Grant, Uncle Terry, Vic, and Joe, Rosie and little Grace were all there too. I havnt seen my Wakefield family for roughly 1.5 years so that was really special. Sadly my Nana and Pop couldn't come as Pop got sick a few days before and was in hospital. But Nana staying ended up being a godsend (her words) as her sister passed away on xmas day, and she was with her - so that was the best thing at the time for them.

No one asked me outright about the Cancer - but I new it would come up eventually, I felt like everyone was tiptoeing around the subject waiting for me to speak about it - and when I finally did, the million questions came, Simons was great - he knows more about my illness than I do - he was the same in childbirth, knew exactly what was going on at all times.
I felt that Dad was not dealing to well with my news, he said to me that when I was a little girl, he could always do something to protect me if something was wrong, and he feels helpless now because he cant. Pania, my step mum confirmed it for me, I left some pamphlets with them to read on my last night - but she told me the next day that Dad couldn't bring himself to reading them as its all a little too much. This makes me sad - I hate knowing that this is effecting him. In fact, not even my mother who is one of the most emotional people I have in my life - has been so visibly saddened by this. Dads one of the toughest people I know, so if hes not feeling so good - it rings very true to me.

Anyhow, we made it back to Auckland in one piece. I got to spend a couple of hours in Christchurch with my sisters, their partners, kids and my mum which was lovely. Again, no one brought up the cancer thing until I mentioned it - but when I did the questions came. 

Its been a week now since we have arrived home - simon had to work in between the stat days this year which truly sux. Been thinking a lot about my treatment starting and surgery - we have to get another car over the next few weeks so I can get into the city everyday for treatment. This is a major drag, I hate spending into our savings, it seems like this is so unnecessary. Then on top of all this the huge petrol costs everyday - supplements, a change in diet, eating super healthy means super expensive. As far as im aware all my medical costs are free.

Up to this point (2 days ago) I still have not cried - infact I feel that I still have not come to 100% realization that I have this illness. Maybe because the fact that this type of cancer is curable - like many forms of cancer. But I have been putting off doing something that I knew would be my breaking point. Reading Natalie Murphys Blog. Strangely enough when she passed away, was a few days before I was diagnosed. Looking back now - Simon was turning off the news (which I watch every night without fail) and making sure I didn't read about it, I had no idea of his motives at the time. Well eventually i did get my mitts on the Herald when we stopped at a gas station, we were in the car on my way to...... the hospital for my results.
I have refused to read her blog, until now. So I will likely write again in a few days when I have gained some composure

1 comment:

  1. I'm lost for words really .Just know that i'm here if you need air any questions and I also want to say that my liposarcoma was growing for 2 and a half years before diagnosis ,so I was a long way along and recurrence was probably inevetable . My problems now are because of the late diagnosis im positive of that .